I’m tired. Exhausted. Sleep is what should be on my mind at 11 pm on a school night, but how am I supposed to think about something so dull as sleep when I just came home from an amazing Submission Wrestling class after a weird day?
Today, I’ve experienced basically all emotions that a teenage girl can experience. I’ve been tired, happy, scared (watched Sinister 2 with a friend in school), sad and pissed at the same time, happy again, mildly annoyed and then happy again.
Since I’ve been on an emotional rollercoaster all day I was scared of it affecting my practice. But, like always, after the warmup I started to process all my feelings without even knowing. Suddenly I wasn’t annoyed anymore, I wasn’t mad at one of my training partners, I was just completely ready to grapple my heart out. I didn’t care if it ended with me lying on the mats after class, unable to get up because of my sore limbs. The only thing I cared about was to do good, do my best and se how good my best really is.
After class one of my instructors asked me:
“Victoria, is something wrong? Are you mad? It went really great today, you didn’t hesitate like you use to”
I did really great, I didn’t hesitate, I tapped, but I didn’t give up.
Grappling is… Indescribable. Even though I tap I am still able to say that I haven’t given up. With grappling I’ve learned that it’s okay to not be perfect, it’s okay to not be able to get out of a sticky situation in a smooth way. But just because you tap, you acknowledge the fact that you cannot do anything more in that situation, there is no way out, it doesn’t mean that you give up. Grappling has taught me, and is still teaching me, that as long as I keep coming back, keep trying, there is nothing wrong with not being able to conquer everything at once.
(I have to admit that I was a little mad in the beginning tho, but it disappeared pretty fast.)
Maybe I’m thinking too much into it now, maybe I’m so sleep deprived that everything in this blogpost is misspelled and doesn’t make any sense. But it’s okay. Because I got myself out of some sticky situations today that I wasn’t able to do before. So I’m happy.
And really tired… 😮